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Transcript
0:00Make it snap me0:30Congratulations.0:32Fair game.0:34Good sport.0:36You have fun?0:40It was fun.1:00Oh.1:05Just hang on?1:08Hey, Miss Potts.1:10What's up?1:12If you find this recording,1:15don't post it on social media.1:17It's gonna be a real tearjerker.1:20I don't know if you're ever gonna see these.1:22I don't even know if you're still...1:25Oh, God, I hope so.1:27Today's day 21? No, uh, 22.1:32You know, if it wasn't for the existential terror of staring into the literal void of space,1:38I'd say I'm feeling a little better today.1:40Infections run its course, thanks to the blue meanie back there.1:44Oh, you do love her. Very practical.1:47Only a tiny bit sadistic.1:50So the fuel cells were cracked during battle and we figured out a way to reverse the ion charge.1:59We bought ourselves about 48 hours of flight time.2:05But it's now dead in the water.2:07A thousand light years from the nearest 7-11.2:12Oxygen will run out tomorrow morning.2:16And that'll be it.2:20And Pep I know I said no more surprises but I gotta say I was really hoping to pull off one last one But it looks like Well you know what it looks like Don feel bad about this2:35I mean, actually, if you grovel for a couple weeks...2:39and then move on with enormous guilt...2:47I should probably lie down for a minute,2:49caress my eyes.2:50Please know, when I drift off, it'll be like every night lately.3:00I'm fine. Totally fine.3:04I drink about you.3:07I can't surprise you.3:20I'm sorry.3:50I'm sorry.4:20The End4:50I sorry The End5:25I couldn't stop him.5:40Neither could I.5:40I lost the kid.5:48Tony, we lost.5:50It's, um...5:55Oh, my God.5:57Oh, my God.6:03It's okay.6:05Where is he now? Where?6:07We don't know.6:09He just opened a portal and walked through.6:14What's wrong with him?6:17He's pissed.6:17He thinks he failed.6:21Which, of course, he did, but, you know,6:23there's a lot of that going around, ain't there?6:25Honestly, until this exact second,6:27I thought you were Bill DeBaron.6:28Maybe I am.6:29We've been hunting Thanos for three weeks now.6:31Deep space scans and satellites, and we got nothing.6:37Tony, you fought him.6:38Who told you that?6:40You're a fighter.6:41No, he wet my face with the planet6:43while the Bleecker Street magician gave away the store.6:45That's what happened. There was no fight.6:46Okay. He's a beautiful.6:48Did he give you any clues? Any coordinates? Anything?6:51Uh...6:52I saw this coming a few years back.6:55I had a vision. I didn't want to believe it.6:57Tell her's dreaming.6:59Tony, I'm gonna need you to focus.7:00And I needed you.7:02As in past tense. That trumps what you need.7:05It's too late, buddy. Sorry.7:09You know what I need?7:10I need to shave.7:12And I believe I remember telling all you is...7:15Tony, Tony.7:16alive and otherwise, that what we needed7:19was a pseudo-armor around the world. Remember that?7:22Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not that what we needed Well that didn work out did it I said we lose You said we do that together too And guess what Cap We lost7:35And you weren't there.7:37But that's what we do, right?7:39Our best work after the fact.7:40What are the Avengers?7:42We're the Avengers, not the pre-Avengers.7:44Okay. Right?7:45You made your point. Just sit down, okay?7:46Okay. No, no, here's my point.7:47You don't want to get sick.7:48Sit down.7:49We need you. Your new blood.7:51A bunch of tired old mules.7:52I got nothing for you, Cap.7:54I got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options.7:58Zero, zip, nada.8:00No trust. Liar.8:06Here, take this.8:08You find him. You put that on.8:10You hide.8:13Tony, it's fine.8:15Let me...8:24I'm going to go.8:40Chow time.8:42Maguna.8:49Morgan H. Stark, you want some lunch?8:51Define lunch or be disintegrated.8:54You should not be wearing that, okay?8:57That is part of a special anniversary gift I'm making for Mom.9:03There you go.9:04You thinking about lunch?9:06You want to give me a handful of crickets on a bed of lettuce?9:08That's what you want.9:10How did you...9:11Look at this.9:12I want.9:13Really?9:14Were you looking for it?9:15No.9:17I found it.9:19You like going in the garage, huh?9:21So does Daddy.9:23It's fine, actually. Mom never wears anything I wear.9:28Let's open it.9:47No, we know what it sounds like.9:50Tony, after everything you've seen, is anything really impossible?9:52Quantum fluctuation messes with the Planck scale,9:54which then triggers the Deutsch proposition.9:56Can we agree on that?9:58And Lehman's turn.10:00It means you're not coming home.10:01I did.10:02No.10:02You accidentally survived.10:04It's a billion to one cosmic fluke.10:07And now you want to pull a...10:08What do you call it?10:12Time heist?10:13Yeah, time heist.10:15Of course.10:16Why didn't we think of this before?10:17Oh, because it's laughable?10:19Because it's a pipe dream?10:20The stones are in the past.10:22We could go back, we could get them.10:23We can snap our own fingers.10:24We can bring everybody back.10:26Or screw it up worse than he already has, right?10:28I don't believe we would.10:29Gotta say, I sometimes miss that giddy optimism.10:32However, high hopes won't help if there's no logical, tangible way10:36for me to safely execute said time heist.10:40I believe the most likely outcome will be our collective demise.10:43Not if we strictly follow the rules of time travel.10:46Might mean no talking to our past selves, no betting on sporting events.10:50I'm gonna stop you right there, Scott.10:53Are you seriously telling me that your plan to save the universe10:56is based on Back to the Future?10:59Is it? No.11:01Good. You had me worried there, because that'd be horseshit.11:04That's not how quantum physics works.11:06Tony...11:09We have to take a stand.11:11We did stand. And yet here we are.11:16I know you got a lot on the line. You got a wife, a daughter.11:20But I lost someone very important to me.11:23A lot of people did. And now, now, we have a chance to bring her back,11:28to bring everyone back.11:29And you're telling me that you won't even...11:31That's right, Scott, I won't even.11:35I can't.11:38Mommy told me to come and save you.11:40Good job. I'm saved.11:44I wish you were coming here to ask me something else.11:46Anything else.11:47I'm honestly happy to see you guys.11:49Oh, look, the table's set for six.11:50Tony, forget it.11:52And I'm happy for you, I really am.11:55But this is a second chance.11:57I got my second chance right here, Cap.11:59I can't roll the dice on it.12:03If you don't talk shop, you can stay from work, John.12:27I going to go to the next one A little bit of mild inspiration12:39I'd like to see if it checks out.12:41So I'd like to run one last sim before we pack it in for the night.12:45This time in the shape of a Mobius strip.12:48Inverted, please.12:50Processing.12:51Give me the eigenvalue of that particle factoring in spectral decomp.12:59That'll take a second.13:00Just a moment.13:02And don't worry if it doesn't pan out.13:04I'm just kind of...13:06Model rendered.13:19Shit!13:21Shit.13:26What are you doing up, little miss?13:28Shit.13:29Nope, we don't say that. Only Mommy says that word.13:31She coined it. It belongs to her.13:33Why are you up?13:34Because I got some important shit going on here.13:36What do you think?13:37No, I got something on my mind. I got something on my mind.13:40Was it Juice Pops?13:43Sure was.13:45That's extortion. That's a word.13:48What kind of one?13:49Great minds think alike. Juice Pops exactly was on my mind.13:56You done? Yeah? Now you are.14:00Here, bite.14:04Good.14:05That face goes there.14:07The story.14:08The story.14:10Once upon a time, we're going away to bed at the end.14:13That is a horrible story.14:14Come on, that's your favorite story.14:16Love you tons.14:19I love you 3,000.14:22Wow.14:313,000. That's crazy.14:35Go to bed, or I'll sell all your toys.14:38Night-night.14:40Not that it's a competition, but she loves me 3,000.14:43thousand. Oh gosh, you know. You were somewhere in the low six to nine hundred branch. What you14:54reading It the book on composting What new with composting Interesting science I figured it out By the way15:05And, you know, just so we're talking about the same thing.15:09Time travel.15:11What?15:17Wow.15:20That's... amazing.15:23and terrifying.15:26That's right.15:35We got really lucky.15:37Yeah. I know.15:39A lot of people didn't.15:40No, and I can't help everybody.15:43Well, it sort of seems like you can.15:45Not if I stop.15:48I can put a pin in it right now and stop.15:52Tony, trying to get you to stop15:55has been one of the few failures of my entire life.16:02Something tells me I should put it in a lockbox16:06and drop it to the bottom of the lake.16:09Go to bed.16:16But would you be able to rest?16:22The End16:52Why the long face?16:56Let me guess, he turned into a baby.16:58Among other things, yeah.17:00What are you doing here?17:01It's the EPR paradox.17:03Instead of pushing Lang through time,17:04you might have wound up pushing time through Lang.17:06It's tricky, dangerous.17:07Somebody could have cautioned you against it.17:10You did?17:11Oh, did I?17:12Well, thank God I'm here.17:15Regardless, I fixed it.17:17A fully functioning time-space GPS.17:19I guess.17:21I just want peace.17:24It turns out resentment is corrosive and I hate it Me too We got a shot at getting these stones but I gotta tell you my priorities If we bring back what we lost I hope yes17:37Keep what I found have to at all costs.17:41And maybe not die trying would be nice.17:47Sounds like a deal.17:55Tony, I don't know.18:13Why?18:15He made it for you.18:17Plus, honestly, I have to get out of the garage18:19before Morgan takes it sledding.18:25Thank you, Tony.18:27Will you keep that a little quiet?18:30Didn't bring one for the whole team.18:33We are getting an whole team.18:36Yeah?18:37We're working on that right now.18:39Drifting left.18:41One side there, Lebowski.18:45Ratchet, how's it going?18:47It's rocking. Take it easy.18:49You're only a genius on Earth, pal.18:51Yeah.18:53Be careful.18:55Look out for each other.18:58This is the fight of our lives.19:00And we're gonna win.19:04Whatever it takes.19:08Good luck.19:11Better hustle, Cap.19:12Things look like they're just about wrapped up here.19:14Got it. I'm approaching the elevator now.19:23It's all the same to you.19:27I'll have that drink now.19:29Alright, get him on his feet.19:31And I'll stand around posing up a storm later.19:33By the way, feel free to clean up.19:35Mr. Rogers, I almost forgot that that suit did nothing for your ass.19:40No one asked you to look, Tony.19:41It's ridiculous.19:42I think you look great, Cap.19:44As far as I'm concerned, that's America's ass.19:46Who gets the...19:53We can take it.20:00There's our stone.20:02Alright, flick me.20:20Alright Cap, I got our scepter in the elevator just passing the 80th floor.20:25Thumbelina, do you copy? I've got eyes on the prize. It is go time.20:30Bombs away.20:38Is that Axe body spray?20:41Yeah, I had a can in the desk for emergencies. Relax. Can we focus, please?20:45I'm going inside you. Now.20:48May I ask you where you're going?20:55The lunch and then Asgard.20:57I'm sorry, you are?20:58Alexander Pierce.20:59He's the man that bugged the folks behind Nick Fury.21:01My friends call me Mr. Secretary.21:03I'm going to have to ask you to turn that prisoner over to me.21:05Loki will be answering to Odin himself.21:07No, he's going to answer to us.21:09Odin can have what's left.21:10And I'm going to need that case.21:11That's been shield property for over 70 years.21:13And over the case, Stark.21:14All right, move it.21:15Stuart Little, things are getting dicey out here.21:17I'm not gonna argue who's got the higher authority here.21:19You promise me you won't die?21:21We're only giving me a mild cardiac dysrhythmia.21:24That doesn't sound mild.21:25I need the case.21:26I know you got a lot of pull, I'm just saying.21:28Okay, then give me the case.21:29Well, just...21:32Dude, Lang.21:33Get your hands off...21:34Windows closing, pull my pin.21:35Hey, here it goes!21:40Stark?21:43He's convosing.21:43The mayor.21:44Medic!21:45Medic!21:46You got some help?21:48Speed to me.21:50Fuck, is it your chest machine?21:54Green, green.22:00Good job. Meet me in the alley. I'm gonna grab a quick slice.22:08No! Stares!22:16Come on Stark, stay with us.22:18I'm gonna try something, okay?22:20I have no idea if it's gonna work.22:24Yes That worked a treat Dude that was so crazy I had no idea if that was going to work The case The case Where the case Where Loki Loki22:35That wasn't supposed to happen, was it?22:37Oh, we blew it.22:39Loki!22:42Cap.22:44Sorry, buddy.22:45We got a problem.22:48Yeah, we do.22:49Well, what are we going to do now?22:51You know what?22:51Give me a break, Steve.22:52I just got hit in the head with a Hulk.22:53You said that we had one shot.22:55This, this was our shot.22:57We shot it.22:57It shot.22:58Six stones or nothing.22:59It was six stones or nothing.23:00You're repeating yourself.23:00You know that?23:01You're repeating yourself.23:03No, no.23:04Come on.23:04You never wanted a time heist.23:05You weren't on board with the time heist.23:07I dropped the ball.23:07You ruined the time heist.23:08Is that what I did?23:09Yeah.23:09Are there any other options with the Tesseract?23:11No, no, no.23:11There's no other options.23:13There's no do-overs.23:14We're not going anywhere else.23:15We have one particle left each.23:17That's it.23:18All right?23:19We use that.23:20Bye-bye.23:20You're not going home.23:21Yeah, well, if we don't try, then no one else is going home either.23:25You got it.23:27There's another way to retake the Tesseract and acquire new particles.23:32We'll stroll down memory lane.23:33Military installation, Garden State.23:39When were they both there?23:41They were there at a time...23:42I have a vaguely exact idea.23:44How vague.23:44What are you talking about?23:45Where are we going?23:46I know for a fact they were there.23:47Who's they?23:48What are we doing?23:48And I know how I know.23:50Guys, what's the... what is it?23:52Well, it looks like we're improvising.23:54Great.23:55What are we improvising?23:56Scott, get this back to the compound.23:58Shoot up.23:59What's in New Jersey?24:00Zero four.24:01Zero four.24:02Zero seven.24:03Zero seven.24:04One nine seven oh.24:05Excuse me.24:06Are you sure?24:07Cap... Captain, Steve.24:09Sorry.24:10America.24:11Rogers.24:12Look, if you do this, and it doesn't work, you're not coming back.24:16Thanks for the pep talk, pissant.24:20You trust me?24:22I do.24:24You're cool.24:26Here we go.24:33Running a quasi-fascistic intelligence organization.24:38Where do you hide it?24:40In plain sight.24:50I going to go Good luck on your mission Captain25:11Good luck on your project, Doctor.25:25Gotcha.25:46Back in the game.25:51Arnum, you in there?25:53Arnum?25:55Hey!26:01Door's this way, pal.26:04Oh, yeah.26:05Looking for Dr. Zola. Have you seen him?26:07Yeah, Dr. Zola. No, I haven't seen a soul.26:12Pardon me.26:14Do I know you?26:17No, sir. I'm a visitor from MIT.26:21Oh, MIT.26:23You got a name?26:25Howard.26:26Well, that'll be easy to remember.26:28Howard.26:30Potts.26:31Well, I'm Howard Stark.26:34Hi.26:35Shake that. Don't pull it.26:36Yeah.26:39You look a little green around the gills there, Potts.26:41Oh, fine. Just long hours.26:44You want to get some air?26:48Hello, Potts.26:50Let it be small. That way.26:51Okay.26:52Need your briefcase?26:55You're not one of those beatniks, are you, Potts?27:04The flowers and sauerkraut, you got a big date tonight?27:09My wife's expecting.27:11And too much time at the office.27:16Congratulations.27:16Thanks. Hold us, will you?27:18Yes, sir.27:20How far along is she?27:21I don't know.27:22She at the point where she can stand the sound of my chewing I guess I be eating dinner in the pantry again I have a little girl A girl every night Less of a chance she turn out exactly like me27:37What'd be so awful about that?27:38Let's just say that the greater good27:40has rarely outweighed my own self-interest.27:45And so, where are you at with names?27:47Well, if it's a boy, my wife likes Almanzo.27:50Huh.27:51Might want to let that sue a while. You got time.27:55Let me ask you a question.27:57When your kid was born, were you nervous?28:01Wildly.28:02Oh.28:03Did you feel qualified?28:04Like you had any idea how to successfully operate that thing?28:08I literally pieced it together as I went along.28:11I thought about what my dad did and...28:14My old man, he never met a problem he couldn't solve with a belt.28:17I thought my dad was tough on me.28:19And now, looking back on it, I just remember the good stuff.28:22You know, he did drop the odd pearl.28:24Yeah? Like what?28:26No amount of money he ever bought a second of time.28:30Smart guy. He did his best.28:34I tell you, that kid's not even here yet,28:36and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him.28:47Good to meet you, Potts.28:51Howard, everything's gonna be all right.28:57Thank you for everything.29:01You've dumped this country.29:06Jarvis.29:10Have we ever met that guy?29:14You meet a lot of people, sir.29:18Seems very familiar.29:21Weird beard.29:51Okay, so this responsibility falls upon me. It's my duty.29:55No, it's not that.29:56Shh, stop it. Just let me...30:00Let me do it.30:04Let me do something good.30:05Something right.30:06It's not just the fact that that glove is channeling enough energy to light up a continent.30:10I'm telling you, you're in no condition.30:12What do you think is coursing through my veins right now?30:15Cheese whiz?30:19The lightning.30:20Yeah, lightning.30:21Lightning won't help you, pal.30:23It's got to be me.30:26You saw those stones that I saw.30:28Good to go?30:29Yeah?30:30Let's do it.30:33You remember, everyone Thanos snapped away five years ago30:36were just bringing them back to now, today.30:39Don't change anything from the last five years.30:41Good.30:46Come on, buddy, wake up.30:48That's my man.30:51You lose this again?30:52I'm keeping it.30:56What happened?30:58You mess with time, it tends to mess back.31:00You'll see.31:23What's he been doing?31:26Absolutely nothing.31:30Where are the stones?31:32Somewhere under all this.31:35All I know is he doesn't have them.31:37So we keep it that way.31:39You know it's a trap, right?31:41Yeah, I don't much care.31:44Good.31:46Just as long as we're all in agreement.31:49Let's kill him properly this time.32:10You could not live with your own failure.32:14Where did that bring you?32:19Back to me.32:25I thought by eliminating half of life the other half would thrive But you shown me that impossible32:37And as long as there are those that remember what was,32:40there will always be those that are unable to accept what can be.32:46They will resist.32:48Yep, we're all kinds of stubborn.32:51I'm thankful.32:55Because now, I know what I must do.32:59I will shred this universe down to its last atom.33:05And then, with the stones you've collected for me, create a new one.33:13Teeming with life that knows not what it has lost, but only what it has been given.33:22A grateful universe.33:24Born out of blood.33:26They'll never know it.33:28Because you won't be alive to tell them.33:41Okay Thor, hit me!33:54Boss, wake up!34:12Hey!34:14Holy cow!34:15You will not believe what's been going on.34:16Do you remember when we were in space?34:18And I got all dusty, and I must have passed out because I woke up and you were gone.34:22But Dr. Strange was there, right?34:23He was like, it's been five years, come on, they need us.34:25And then he started doing the yellow sparkly thing that he does all the time.34:28What are you doing?34:34Oh, this is nice.34:39Hey, you said one out of 14 million we win, yeah?34:44Tell me this is it.34:45If I tell you what happens, it won't happen.34:48You better be right now.35:04No Ah35:25I'm not going to die.35:55I am inevitable.36:25And I...36:29am...36:34Iron Man.36:55Mr. Stark?37:10Hey.37:11Mr. Stark?37:13Can you hear me?37:15It's Peter.37:16Peter.37:18Hey.37:20We won.37:22Mr. Stark.37:25You won Mr Stark I won You did it sir You did it I sorry Don even37:55Friday.37:58Life functions critically.38:09Tony.38:11Look at me.38:15We're gonna be okay.38:21You can rest now.38:55So I thought I'd probably better record a little greeting in the case of an untimely death on my39:23I mean, not that death at any time isn't untimely.39:26This time travel thing that we're gonna try and pull off tomorrow,39:30it's got me scratching my head about the survivability of our home.39:33That's the thing.39:36Then again, that's the hero gig.39:38Part of the journey is the end.39:41What am I even tripping for?39:43Everything's gonna work out exactly the way it's supposed to.39:50I love you 3,000.39:53I'm sorry.40:30The End