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0:00I am Loki of Asgard and I am burdened with glorious purpose.0:28Your little job, how do you like that?0:30Hello sir, I need you to plug.0:32And sections four, eight, three and four, both of them.0:36He needs to see the bus.0:38Okay?0:40Hey, hey, hey!0:44Know this, you cross me, there are deadly consequences.0:48Roger.0:52Never mind.0:54Take your ticket.0:56There's only two of us in here.0:58Take a ticket.1:05How do you plead?1:07Madam, a guard doesn't plead.1:12Absolutely not! This is fine as guardian letter.1:16Variant identified.1:18I beg your pardon?1:20Look, this has been a very enjoyable pantomime, but I'd like to go home now.1:24Now, hang on just a minute.1:26Are you guilty or not guilty, sir?1:29Guilty of being the god of mischief, yes.1:32I'm gonna burn this place to the ground.1:34Guilty of finding all this incredibly tedious, yes.1:37You're coming with us.1:39I'm sorry, who's us?1:41Guilty of a crime against the sacred timeline.1:46Absolutely not, you have the wrong person.1:47Please sign to verify this is everything you've ever said.1:50What?1:54Sign this too.1:55Oh, really? And who should we have?1:58I suspect the Avengers.2:02Find an accusation.2:04Oh, believe me, you can smell the cologne of two Tony Stark.2:06We're not here to talk about the Avengers.2:08Oh, no?2:09No.2:09Oh, this is absurd.2:15And this.2:19What they did was supposed to happen.2:21You escaping was not.2:25For the record this really does feel like a killing me kind of a room Not supposed to happen According to whom The timekeepers2:35Oh, the timekeepers.2:36Right.2:37Not big on trust, are you?2:39Trust is for children and dogs.2:41Tickets, sir.2:43I tried to ask that guy for a ticket.2:44Sir?2:45Oh!2:45Oh!2:46OOOOOOOH!2:53Thanks for visiting the TVA!2:55So how we're doing!2:56Last chance, variant.3:02It's been a very long day.3:04And I think I've had my fill of idiots in armored suits telling me what to do.3:07Perhaps I should speak to these...3:09Time Keepers.3:11Gods to Gods.3:12If you don't mind, this is actually...3:14Your last chance.3:15I'm sorry, but they're quite busy.3:17Oh, they are? What are they doing?3:19This is a mistake! I shouldn't be here!3:21Hey there! You're probably saying,3:24this is a mistake. I shouldn't even be here!3:26How do you plead?3:28Guilty...3:33...of this.3:38Please confirm to your knowledge that you are not a fully robotic being.3:41we're born an organic creature and do in fact possess what many cultures would call a soul3:46what to my knowledge do a lot of people not know if they're robots what's going on hang on3:52everyone quiet he's trying to use his powers ma'am don't rush me4:04what if i was a robot and i didn't know it you try to use that oh several times are you taking4:09You're taking me somewhere to kill me.4:11No, that's where you just were.4:13I'm taking you someplace to talk.4:15But I don't like to talk.4:16I'm not a robot, so I'll be fine.4:22Dammit, why would it work?4:23The court finds you guilty,4:25and I sentence you to be reset.4:27Reset, what does that mean?4:29What does that, is it bad?4:30What does it mean?4:31You were created by the timekeepers.4:33Yep.4:34To protect the sacred timeline.4:36Correct.4:36Is that funny?4:39You ridiculous bureaucrats will not dictate how my story ends!4:43Timekeepers. The sacred timeline.4:47Who actually believes this bunkum?4:49Should you return, what are you gonna do?4:51Finish what I started? Claim my throne?4:53The idea that your little club decides the fate of trillions of people across all of existence at the behest of three space lizards it absurd i thought you didn like to talk you want to be king i don want5:06to be i was born to be i have a bomb king of what exactly midgard see you again someday now you're5:16the king of Midgard then what happily ever after? Asgard the nine realms. Space. Hey hey I know you5:27you're that criminal with the blue box. Mock me if you dare. No what's your name? Casey. Give me the5:35Tesseract or I'll gut you like a fish Casey. What's a fish? I can't believe you were D.B. Cooper. Come on.5:42I was young and I lost a bet to Thor.5:44How do you not know what a fish is?5:46I live my entire life behind a desk.5:47The timekeepers have built quite the circus.5:49But what difference does it make?5:51I want to know exactly what I'm being threatened with before I comply.5:54Death, Casey.5:55Violent, painful death.5:57And I see the clowns are playing their parts to perfection.6:04If it's all the same to you,6:06I'll have that drink now.6:09No.6:13Big metaphor guy.6:14I love it.6:15Makes you sound super smart.6:17I am smart.6:27Stop.6:29It.6:31Stop it.6:32It's in your nature.6:34You know, things didn't turn out so well for the last person who said that to me.6:39Stop it!6:40Stop it!6:43I don't have to play this game.6:45I'm a god of this.6:46Let's talk about your escapes.6:51You're really good at doing awful things and then just getting away.6:56We've grabbed enough temporal aura to know it's our Loki variant.7:00But which kind of Loki remains unknown?7:02No, the lesser kind, to be clear.7:04to be clear.7:08I was just standing up to make a point.7:10I'm sorry, go ahead.7:11It won't be as meaningful now.7:13Okay, well stay seated.7:14I'll do what I want to do.7:15You finished?7:17You're gonna start taking things seriously.7:20You need the God of Mischief to help you stop them.7:23Did you watch any of the training videos you were supposed to Well as many as I could stand your TVA propaganda is exhausting Why me The variant we hunting is7:37I beg your pardon?7:44Good. Good job.7:46Smart.7:47Let me see the back of that jacket.7:55Very subtle.7:56Who knows, maybe there's something that we missed.7:58Well, you're idiots.7:59I suspect you probably missed a lot.8:01Well, that's why I'm lucky I got you.8:02I don't want anybody out there to forget what you are.8:05Oh, you're only hope of capturing a murderer?8:07No, a cosmic mistake.8:09That's enough.8:10Lovely.8:11And what do these do?8:12Reset charges prune the affected radius of a branched timeline,8:17allowing time to heal all its wounds.8:19Which, by the way, sounds like a nice way of saying8:21disintegrate everything in its vicinity.8:23He's on it.8:24Watch the videos. Some of them.8:26You're probably wondering what happened out on the mission.8:29More than any other variant. And no two are alike.8:33Do I get a weapon?8:34Yeah.8:35I'll have my magic back. Is no one concerned about that?8:37Of what?8:38Me betraying you.8:39No. Why not?8:41That was your first lesson in catching a Loki.8:44Expect the expected.8:45Ragnarok. Are you familiar?8:47Yes. The destruction of Asgard and most of its people. I'm sorry.8:51Yes. Very sad.8:53Very sad.8:53Anyway, it got me thinking.8:55Oh my goodness.8:56Don't tell me the Varian ambushed8:58and killed another team of Minutemen.9:01Hi.9:05Nexus events happen when someone does something9:09they're not supposed to do, right?9:10A little more complicated, but yeah.9:13Great.9:14Hello.9:17And stole their reset charge as well.9:19That thing they're not supposed to do9:21cascades into a whole range of other things9:22that aren't supposed to happen, and so on and so forth,9:24until eventually a new timeline branches, yes?9:26Chaotic alterations of a predetermined outcome.9:28Exactly.9:29So,9:33Differences in appearances, or not so slight.9:41Whoever this variant is, we haven't been able to find them.9:45So let's bring in an expert.9:47That's me.9:48before Ragnarok causes its complete destruction,9:51and I could do anything I wanted.9:52I could, let's say, push the Hulk off the Rainbow Bridge.9:58And I could also,10:00set fire to the palace.10:02You see, half the fun of being a trickster is knowing everyone knows you're a trickster10:05and then many of your tricks can come from exploring the fact that you know, that they know.10:09I'd like all files pertaining to the creation of the TVA.10:13Those are classified.10:14It wouldn't go against the dictates of the timeline because...10:18Okay, I'd like all files pertaining to the beginning of time then.10:22Those are classified.10:23Oh God.10:26Nice to see you. I just need this for a second.10:27End of time.10:29What else can I have?10:30The apocalypse is coming.10:31Ragnarok.10:32Surtur will destroy Asgard no matter what I do.10:35No, don't do...10:36Just in case.10:38Absolutely not.10:40There's the apocalypse.10:42That's the apocalypse.10:44Ragnarok obliterates the salt.10:47I don't want to get too giddy.10:50Oh, come on.10:51It's cool.10:52Because the timeline's not going to branch.10:54Because it gets destroyed.10:55Any minute now until this entire town is wiped off the face of its planet.10:58Imagine all that volcanic ash.11:01Baron's been ambushing our soldiers and hiding out in doomsdays to cover his tracks.11:04You're welcome.11:05Yeah, take me to a real apocalypse.11:06Take me to Ragnarok, I'll show you.11:07Yeah, so you can run away back to your homeland.11:09No, it's not about going home, we can go anywhere.11:11You're here to help me catch the superior version of yourself.11:15Hang on.11:16That's it.11:17I'm not sure superior is actually quite the right word.11:19See, there it is. Right there.11:20Just nine good days, because of...11:22Well, they're all gonna die anyway.11:23I never stab anyone in the back.11:25That's such a boring form of betrayal.11:27But because you know this variant is better than you.11:29And you can't take it.11:35Very nice.11:36I've studied almost every moment of your entire life.11:39You've literally stabbed people in the back like 50 times.11:44I'd never do it again.11:45Anything we do can create a huge branch.11:48Oh, Mobius.11:49You make even the end of the world sound boring.11:51It is adorable that you think you could possibly manipulate me.11:57We're gonna start very small disturbances.12:03Very small.12:04Can you make bird noises?12:06Bird noises.12:07I'm 10 steps ahead of you.12:09I've been playing a game of my own all along.12:12Smokey!12:13Smokey!12:14Hey.12:15Come on.12:16Go!12:17Hey!12:18Hey!12:24Hey Hey Hey Hey TVA Three magic lizards Time Cerubum nuntium ad vos omnes Vos omnes12:36Morituri estes.12:38Created the TVA and everyone in it, including you.12:42Including me.12:43You see, every time I start to admire your intelligence, you say something like that.12:46Scioheic esse vera, quod ego de futuris ad veni.12:52We are from the future, right?12:53What is the TVA? I mean, it's from the future. It sounds from the future. It's pretty future-y.12:57So keep an eye out for the missing charges.13:00And if you see a Loki, prune it.13:04The bad Loki, preferably.13:06How does it all end?13:08That's a work in progress.13:10Oh, those lazy timekeepers, what are they waiting for?13:13Nothing matters!13:15Nothing has any consequence!13:16We protect what came before.13:19they are toiling away in their chamber,13:22untangling the epilogue from its intimate branches.13:27I see.13:27That was me, using magic to dry my clothes.13:31No more Nexus events.13:32Just order, and we meet in peace at the end of time.13:37Nice, right?13:39So I didn't announce myself with every squeaky footstep.13:41Only order.13:42Mm-hmm.13:43No chaos?13:44It sounds boring.13:45I, for one, am glad we're getting to spend this time doing it.13:47Boring.13:47I'm really saying I think I got off on the wrong one.13:49Shh.13:49You know, you called me a scared little boy.13:51I called you a lot of things.13:52You're the fool the TVA brought in to hunt me down.13:59Me, I presume.14:01Scared little boy.14:04Yes, it was quite patronizing. I thought it was a bit too far, actually.14:12You're very clever.14:16I know.14:17Loki.14:18Ugh.14:19Don't call me that.14:21God, now I understand why my forefathers are so annoying.14:23What are you doing?14:24Shopping for plants.14:26In this storm?14:28I miss Randy.14:34Could that be you?14:38I mean, I probably would have wanted to soon, but...14:41Yes, maybe.14:42Thank you for helping me stall for time.14:44You really do love to hear yourself talk.14:47You're not the first person to tell me.14:49What?14:52A few questions.14:53Have you really got nothing else better to do Rude Hi I would never treat me like this you don even know how to recharge it of course i do not the only tech savvy loki15:14what is this what is this about this isn't about you right you're trying to enchant me15:21It won't work.15:23Why? Because you're a magician?15:26No, because my mind is too strong.15:28Don't ever call me that.15:30Tex Harvey, are you sure you're a Loki?15:32You're in my way.15:33You are my way.15:37Slow down, variant.15:39You idiot! This is Lamentous One!15:42I don't know what that means!15:43I thought perhaps we could work together.15:47So you're just fully a magician then?15:49Fine. For my next trick, I'll make you disappear.15:53I'm sorry, Gladys. Didn't exactly have time to scan the brochure.16:01But now I see you lack vision.16:04I'm sorry, but I'm not calling some faded photocopy of me, Loki.16:08Neither of us sits getting off this rock if we can't get that tent pad turned back on.16:12Where do you have it hidden? In my heart.16:14Well, then I'll cut it out.16:16Nice. Very draw. Lovely.16:18I'm Sylvie now.16:20Oh, you changed your name? Brilliant.16:22Yes, I do have the temp pad.16:24I'm not gonna get very far.16:26If you keep trying to kill me every 30 seconds...16:28Well, you're full of it!16:30I don't need your help.16:32You're so weird!16:34What exactly makes a Loki a Loki?16:36Independence. Authority. Style.16:38You need me to get that thing recharged.16:40That's the only reason you saved me out there.16:44Maybe. Yeah.16:46Yeah, I mean sure, that too.16:48So naturally you went to work for the boring, oppressive time police.16:51I don't work for them, I'm a consultant.16:53Or we could just slaughter each other here in this abandoned mining shack, what do you say?16:57Good for me. Okay, hand it over.17:01The plan you interrupted was years in the making.17:06Years!17:07Okay, got it. We can't fight, are we, onto that train?17:09Who said anything about fighting?17:10All your plans involve fighting.17:12I assure you, despite my acquaintance behaving like an animal, we mean you no harm.17:18I'm going to enchant a guard, have him lead us through the crowd, and if anyone gives us any trouble...17:23Make him start shooting And then what Kill every guard and hijack the train Pitiful I not giving it to you You gonna have to try harder than that We doing this one my way17:40It's remarkable that you ever made it as far as you did.17:43Hello, look.17:44Like someone with a shit plan.17:46It's a great plan.17:47Hmm.17:48Sorry about that.17:49Don't be. I enjoyed it.17:51Oh, I did too.17:53Look, I can't go backwards on a train.17:55Well, I never sit with my back to a door.17:57What? There are doors on both sides.17:59I can't sleep in a place like this.18:01You can't sleep on a train?18:03No, I can't sleep around untrustworthy people.18:05Oh, right. That me.18:07You're as beautiful as I...18:17Patrice never said a thing that nice in 30 years.18:19Which one was that? Diplomacy?18:21What's that? Diplomacy?18:22Don't.18:23Stay.18:24Another!18:25No, she's not actually. I was adopted. Is that a bit of a spoiler for you? Sorry about18:33that.18:34No, I knew I was adopted.18:35You're drunk.18:36No, I'm just full.18:38What? They told you.18:40Did they not tell you?18:41No. I need you to try this. It bears very nicely with the figgy port. Who's got the18:47What?18:48Well you just have to take my word in the figure port.18:51But I did take quite the tumble.18:53You arsehole.18:54You killed us!18:55Maybe we can fix it.18:56Where do you learn to do the... you know the...18:59I taught myself.19:01You just go into their minds and project some sort of illusion.19:05Really it'd be easier if I just shh.19:06Enchanted me and make you give me the ten pack so you can leap out of the living train.19:09No thank you.19:10Well then don't ask. I think something's happening.19:12Yes! That planet is about to crash into us.19:15You're not a serious man.19:16You're right. I'm a god.19:17I don't think I've ever walked this much in my life.19:20That's a pretty good life.19:22Well, you're lucky you missed it.19:23Champagne?19:23Ah, yes. Thank you very much.19:27No, I'm good, thanks.19:28Oh, I'll take care of this.19:29I saw some people looking at you weirdly.19:33Cheers.19:36To the end of the world.19:38Well, the entire moon is destroyed, right?19:40Yep, and everyone on it is killed.19:43Including us?19:44Yes, including us.19:45Maybe love is hate19:47What was that?19:53Love is hate19:55Oh piss off19:56Can I see your tickets?19:58You again19:59Love20:00is...20:05Uh, something I might have to have another drink to think about.20:09Tickets. Yes, of course. Here they are.20:15Love is an imaginary dagger.20:17It doesn't make sense, does it?20:19No. Terrible metaphor.20:20Damn! I thought I had something there.20:22Oops. Still, it looks lovely, doesn't it?20:25Here's an idea. What if you enchanted me20:28and you could walk for both of us.20:30I'd take a nap in my subconscious20:32and then you could just wake me when we arrive.20:38Hey!20:40Hey!20:41How will you stop it?20:44Bye.20:45Well?20:45Well what?20:46I know you got some quip you're dying to say.20:48Oh, I don't have a quip.20:49I've got nothing to say to you.20:50Come on.20:54Sif!20:55I feel like I've told you so much about me.20:58I really don't know the first thing about you.21:00Thanks for the tactical advantage.21:02By the way, I should have an equal amount of security.21:04This is insulting.21:05You did this!21:06What?21:07You betrayed me!21:08You betrayed me!21:09Oh, grow up!21:10Grow up!21:11You know what occurred to me?21:12That you're not really the god of mischief.21:14Oh, here it comes.21:16How long have you been working for the variant?21:18Me? Working for her? Please.21:20Bad memory prison?21:22How quaint.21:23What am I? The god of self-sabotage, huh? The god of backstabbing?21:29That the only reason you brought us here? To kill us? I've lost track of the number of times I've been killed.21:35Craven, pathetic woe.21:37Okay, okay, safe. Hang on.21:40The folksy, dopey insult from the folksy dope.21:44She's difficult and irritating and she tries to hit me all the time.21:49I like to suggest we take a quick breather so I can ask several thousand questions Give my regards to Lady Sif No why no no no please not22:01Okay, good.22:07Ah, hello. Which one of us are you?22:13This is a nightmare.22:14She took me to one of her apocalypses.22:16That's where we hatched our plan, together.22:18Cheers coming along very nicely. Thank you. Okay understood, but beyond don't die don't die hasn't a plan as a general demand of living22:28That's it. Well, please please no more22:31Please I beg you you know all the liars in this place and there are a great many you're the biggest if you're low-key22:38You should always have a plan22:41It's been a very very very trying past few days months22:44I don't even know how long it's been since you're telling me that things are low-key, too22:48Oh yes.22:51Okay, how do we get past the guard dog?22:53I'm gonna enchant it.22:56And now I'm surrounded by variants of myself, plus an alligator,23:00which I'm heartbroken to report I didn't even find all that strange!23:03Hang on.23:04It's not very snuggly.23:06Okay.23:07Is it a tablecloth?23:08No, it's a blanket.23:10How best to put this?23:12Us as a child, us in the future,23:15and us as an alligator.23:20It's best not to question it.23:22Aren't you going to tell me not to kick the door in?23:25That made a difference.23:27And now we're running from God knows what, trying to get to God knows where!